Dance. Smile. Laugh. Talk Crap. Walk. Eat 1 Thing Like It Has No Calories. Drink. Watch Movies. Go to the Theatre. Listen to Your Favorite Song 5x in a Row. Sing Like You Sound Like Whitney Houston. Have Sex. Get Your Nails Done. Get a Massage. Travel. Read Books. Don’t Do the Laundry or Clean Your House. Fall in Love. Hate Someone. Treasure Someone. Have Kids, Get Married, or NOT. Do Whatever It Takes – Have Fun!
It became very important to me to learn more about myself before I became sick. After twenty years with a mental illness it became hard to remember who I was before I had a mental illness.
Remembering who I was before the illness helped me define my definition of health. People always assume I’m fine because I can hold a job and carry on a decent conversation. But I rarely talk about the day to day struggles of someone who has been told they are in remission.
People ask What is success to you? I ask What is health to you?
What is the health equivalent of having a million dollars?
I know I’m there yet but I’m just asking myself because now for the first time I actually feel like my mind is healthy. Maybe it’s the diet and exercise, maybe it’s the reduction in my stress level, maybe it’s the presence of good friends and family. But it’s probably a combination of all these things (and the right medications). But if I hadn’t taken the time to figure out who I was before the illness I wouldn’t appreciate my health today.
I used to feel like I needed a double cheeseburger. And I’ve felt for many years that I need french fries in my life.
Now when I think of food I think of what I want. It’s a slight change of thought but when I think in terms of what I want I can not have it because I know that I do not need it.
I spent the first month of my lifestyle change attempt inside of my apartment sitting one on one with my cravings. I listened as my stomach growled and stared into space and tried to clear my mind. I felt a bit like someone in a movie going through a drug detox who has to lock themselves in a hotel room. But instead of just one weekend my detox took three.
I feel a lot better. I’m sure there are many more hurdles ahead but to me the beginning is the hard part.
This is my new mantra!
14lbs down – no McDonald’s (I smelled the french fries as I passed by yesterday – lightly fried, perfectly salted – and no I did not stop).
I lose track of how many times I’ve tried to do this and now it is working. I’m doing it. People say never give up but that sounds like a glib statement when you’ve failed as often as I have. But beneath every cliche is a bit of truth.
And so I continue. . workouts today, tomorrow, & thursday . . . repeat next week and the weeks to follow. . .
What’s in a cliche? To me it’s a bit of truth and a bit of hope.
“Good things come to those who wait.” I lose track the number of times someone has said this to me. I’ve heard it so often that sometimes I say it to myself when I’m a bit restless.
“It takes as long as it takes.” – Ann (It’s Not Stamped On Your Forehead). I wrote those words because I’d lived them.
These days I’m happy to have found my bit of truth.