Facing Forward, Lessons

What I Crave!

I used to feel like I needed a double cheeseburger.  And I’ve felt for many years that I need french fries in my life.

Now when I think of food I think of what I want.  It’s a slight change of thought but when I think in terms of what I want I can not have it because I know that I do not need it.

I spent the first month of my lifestyle change attempt inside of my apartment sitting one on one with my cravings.  I listened as my stomach growled and stared into space and tried to clear my mind.  I felt a bit like someone in a movie going through a drug detox who has to lock themselves in a hotel room.  But instead of just one weekend my detox took three.

I feel a lot better.  I’m sure there are many more hurdles ahead but to me the beginning is the hard part.

Facing Forward, Lessons

Try Again!

This is my new mantra!

14lbs down – no McDonald’s (I smelled the french fries as I passed by yesterday – lightly fried, perfectly salted – and no I did not stop).

I lose track of how many times I’ve tried to do this and now it is working.  I’m doing it.  People say never give up but that sounds like a glib statement when you’ve failed as often as I have.  But beneath every cliche is a bit of truth.

And so I continue. .  workouts today, tomorrow, & thursday . . . repeat next week and the weeks to follow. . .


Who do you appreciate?

Many times in my life I’ve felt underappreciated.  My self esteem suffered enormously once I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

People say if you don’t value yourself then no one will value you.  But I’m certain that what allowed me to reach a point when I valued myself was other people placing value in me when I couldn’t come up with it on my own.

The truth is I didn’t just tell myself to get better and it happened.  Many people told me I could recover long before I believed it.  I thought I knew myself better than they knew me.  I assumed they may have been right before but they were wrong about me.  And oftentimes I just didn’t listen.  I didn’t appreciate that they took the time to invest in my well being.  I was more concerned with the people who I thought should have been there for me and weren’t than the people who were carrying me along the way.

Now I know who to appreciate –

The people who ask me how I’m doing and actually want to hear the answer.

The people who feed me food for my stomach when I’m hungry and food for my soul when I feel all alone.

The people who reach out for no reason other than to gossip or make me laugh.

I’ve always wanted to be liked the most by the people who thought the least of me and I overlooked the love of the people who were happy to know me.  It took a bit but I’ve finally learned who to truly value and appreciate.  Knowing this makes me feel so much more loved.