Facing Forward, Fearless Thoughts

Down 29lbs

Me from pic with mom at bbqs

I could never have imagined all of the benefits from losing a significant amount of weight because I hadn’t lost any substantial amount of weight in over 10 years.

I had pretty much decided my weight was what it was and I was who I was going to be for the rest of my life.  But each day got a little harder.  I breathed a bit harder.  I moved a bit slower.  And my belief in myself lessened.

And then I decided I would invest a significant amount of money in a personal trainer.  Nothing else had worked for me and I found myself in a financial position where I could afford it.  I reminded myself of the saying – “You get what you pay for” and I had never really made a considerable financial investment in my weight loss and I felt it was time to try something new.

But I knew just working out with a personal trainer would be a waste of my money.  So I decided I would I would give up all of the fast food places that had gotten me through all of my stressful and difficult times.  For a stress eater fast food is a sanctuary.  I also stopped buying cases of sodas (to drink all by myself), gallons of juices, boxes of honey buns, oatmeal cream pies and chocolate chip cookies, family sized bags of potato chips, and a different chocolate bar every day.

I put everything down on my DO NOT EAT LIST –

do not eat

I lived this way for four months while working out 3 days a week.

And the weight came off.  And it has stayed off.  Even though once and a while I have a cheat meal and eat off the list.  My trainer told me – “It’s ok to cheat.  But it’s not ok to binge.” Words to live by.

Now 2019 has begun.  I’m taking a bit of break from the working out over the holidays but I plan to get back into it.  I’ve accepted the fact that working out is a necessary part of life for me.  I don’t want to do it.  I have to.

I haven’t set any weight loss goals for this year.  My only resolution is to be my best self – this year and until the end of my days.  I redefine what that means for myself from day to day.


Fearless Thoughts


I’ve spent the bulk of my life with other people telling me what to do – parents, teachers, professors, managers.  But I’m just now beginning to do things on my own.  There comes a certain joy in not having to ask for anyone’s permission or approval.  I’ve never really been excited by telling anyone else what to do.  Having power over another person is not something that excites me.  But having power over myself, my movements, my decisions has been something I’ve sought out for years.  For me, to have it, is to be free.

Fearless Thoughts


If you’ve ever been through a difficult time and then things started to improve it can be hard to try to work towards anything more than what you have.  The fear of returning to the state you used to be in is so strong it’s hard to move forward.  So instead of going for more and possibly failing you enjoy being where you are.  I used to think that there was something wrong with that but I don’t anymore.  I don’t wonder how someone can work at the same job for twenty, thirty, forty years.  I don’t wonder how a couple can stay together for more than half of their lifetimes.  It makes sense to me now.  I understand the difficulty in staying put and I understand of the strain of constant change.  I’m at a crossroads.  I don’t know which person I will be in the future – the one who was content and stayed put or the one who went for it and failed or the one who went for it and succeeded.  I know that the fear of success is just as strong as the fear of failure. I know that I have one life to live but taking too long to decide what to do with it can result in stagnation.  So I think about this everyday and take one more step on a path filled with risk, possibility, comfort, and turmoil.

Facing Forward, Fearless Thoughts

Look In The Mirror

I know for a fact now that no one believes you can do anything until it’s done.  Sure there are people who support you all along the way giving you guidance and words of encouragement but no one believes anything until it actually happens.  And then they can’t believe you actually did it once it’s done.

Sometimes the person with the least amount of faith in you is YOU.

Try to impress yourself.  It’s harder than you think.

Fearless Thoughts, Lessons

Step Out On Faith

I’ve heard the same story told many different ways

One Way – A dog was tied to a fence with a long chain.  Whenever a squirrel came by he would run after it but have to stop when he was yanked by the chain.  This went on for several years and then one day the owner took the chain off of the dog and then a squirrel came by.  The dog ran as long as the length of chain and stopped.  He didn’t realize the chain was gone and that he could go after the squirrel.

Second Way – When an elephant is a baby it is tied to a very heavy pole.  The pole is too heavy for the baby elephant to get away from so the baby elephant learns to stick close to the pole.  When the elephant becomes an adult and has much more strength and power it is still tied to the same pole because it does not believe it has the strength to break free.

I’ve felt a bit like these animals.  I wonder what happens when I go beyond the length of the chain, recognize my own strength and move far away from the pole.

Fearless Thoughts

You Were Wrong

Lately I’ve been thinking of some of the things I believed when I was younger that I now know I was completely wrong about.  There were things I believed within me as absolute truth and I was completely wrong.

It makes me think of all the things I must be wrong about but I don’t know yet.  I’m sure as I get older those things will be revealed to me.  The thought makes me look forward to getting older.

Fearless Thoughts

Mental Health Tip: Forgive

I used to think that if I didn’t give someone a reason to be mean to me then they would treat me well or just be indifferent.  I had to get older to understand that people are mean to others mainly because they feel like they can get away with it.  So if someone hurts you or treats you inappropriately you have to stand up for yourself and make sure that they know you will not let them get away with it.  This is what has helped me forgive people. It’s easier to forgive someone if you make them acknowledge that they did something wrong.