Facing Forward

Don’t Forget What You Love

When I took a day job someone told me not to forget what it is I really want to do.

I often think back to when she said it to me especially since I’m quite comfortable in my new position and I could walk away from the writing and just let my life play out the way most other people’s lives play out.

I used to write because I felt like I had to.  It’s just apart of who I am.

I had no idea the real joy in writing is doing it because I want to.

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Facing Forward

Life Style Changes

Whenever someone tells  me I’m not supposed to eat something I tell them I’m not dieting.  I’m making a lifestyle change.  And for me that does not mean I have stopped eating everything I like to eat because honestly I’m not capable of doing that.

I have to be honest about what my lifestyle change really means for me –

-not buying soda or sugary drinks by the caseload

-not eating burgers and fries more than 3x a week

-not eating an entire box of donut holes

-not eating at least 2 candy bars at a time

-not eating family size bags of chips

You get the picture – I am overweight for a reason and I needed to come to terms with that – 3 months – 20lbs lost = lifestyle change.  I’ve never found a diet that actually works.  This is the only way I know how to get the weight off.

Facing Forward

“Maybe It Has Nothing To Do With You”

I remember sitting in my psychiatrist’s office in Boston going on and on about how people were treating me a certain way and saying certain things to me.  At the time it seemed to me that I was sitting in a circle and everyone I came in contact with did or said something negative to me because of something I said or did.

Mid-complaints my psychiatrist stopped me and said – “Maybe It Has Nothing To Do With You.”  The thought never occurred to me before and it was quite freeing.  I needed to stop taking things so personally.  Now sometimes people are coming after me specifically but not always and it’s important for me to be able to figure that out.

That bit of advice hit home this week and even though he’s not my psychiatrist anymore I’m still stunned by all the things he was right about and how well he prepared me to go out on my own and thrive.

Facing Forward

Did I Say That?

Someone recently told me that when I was younger I told them that Nothing is Impossible.  I didn’t ask the person how old I was when I said it but I wondered if it was pre- or post- diagnosis.  But I ultimately decided that it didn’t matter when I said it.  The point was that I once used to think that way and he reminded me of what I said once upon a time when I was beginning to find myself believing otherwise.

Not only did I not remember saying it to him I did not know it had such an impact on him.  He threw that inspiration right back my way.  It’s odd how things can work out that way.

 

Facing Forward

Freedom

Someone very close to me told me that having a routine can be freeing.  I didn’t quite understand what they meant when I heard it because I was still in the process of building out my routine.  Now that I’m on firm ground with my routine I understand exactly what they meant.

It’s like when I get up in the morning and I don’t know what I want for breakfast but then I remember what I always eat for breakfast and my problem is solved.

It’s like when I don’t work out for a week and I think of how I’m going to get back into working out but I already know I’ve set aside 3 days a week to work out and I just pick one of those days to jump back into things.

My routine frees up my mind to focus on other things or to just relax.  It gives me more freedom than deciding what to do on a day to day basis. (Thanks for the insight Maki!)

Facing Forward

Cravings In My Head

3 months in – 19lbs lost – and my body no longer craves all of the bad foods I used to love.  In fact most of my bad food cravings now come from my brain.  I’ve listened to my brain over the past couple of days and eaten some bad stuff but it actually now tastes horrible.  I had to face the fact that I cannot eat the way I used to eat because it just doesn’t taste good to me anymore.  Part of me is really happy.  This puts me on a good path for my continued weight loss but now I have to find new places/things to eat (and I don’t like to cook).  But I have to do what I have to do.  I’m a bit more comfortable with my hunger now but I still love to eat.  I just have to get my body and mind in sync.

Facing Forward

Which Is It?

Advice 1 – In order to lose weight you have to eat.

Advice 2 – If you want to lose weight eat less.

I still haven’t quite figured this out.  I know you have to feed your metabolism in order to increase it and I know you have only a certain amount of calories to eat each day.  Organizing your life around both of these things is like walking a tight rope.  But I’m finding is just as easy to fall off as it is to get back up again.

Facing Forward

Time Is More Valuable Than Money

Every time I think of this lesson from business school I think of how people would rather give someone spare change than stop and have a conversation with them.

I’m a person who loves spending time alone but I’ve learned to set aside time for people – the stranger who wants to have a quick chat, the family members I don’t get to see that often, the family members I see often, the friends who have always been there for me, the people I want to build relationships with, and (until recently) the pet who always loved me.

I recommend finding the time and making the time to spend with someone else.  Once a time has passed you never get it back but you’ve probably already figured out how to make more money after it’s spent.

Facing Forward

Call Me Crazy

Using the word crazy is generally frowned upon in the mental health community.   No one wants to be called crazy in a dismissive disrespectful way but when I think back over my time in the hospital and all the things I’ve been through the only word that comes to my mind that sums everything up is “crazy”.  So I call my sick self crazy or insane but mostly just to distinguish the time from now when I call myself sane.  Health is sanity to me.