Facing Forward, Lessons

What I Crave!

I used to feel like I needed a double cheeseburger.  And I’ve felt for many years that I need french fries in my life.

Now when I think of food I think of what I want.  It’s a slight change of thought but when I think in terms of what I want I can not have it because I know that I do not need it.

I spent the first month of my lifestyle change attempt inside of my apartment sitting one on one with my cravings.  I listened as my stomach growled and stared into space and tried to clear my mind.  I felt a bit like someone in a movie going through a drug detox who has to lock themselves in a hotel room.  But instead of just one weekend my detox took three.

I feel a lot better.  I’m sure there are many more hurdles ahead but to me the beginning is the hard part.

Facing Forward, Lessons

Try Again!

This is my new mantra!

14lbs down – no McDonald’s (I smelled the french fries as I passed by yesterday – lightly fried, perfectly salted – and no I did not stop).

I lose track of how many times I’ve tried to do this and now it is working.  I’m doing it.  People say never give up but that sounds like a glib statement when you’ve failed as often as I have.  But beneath every cliche is a bit of truth.

And so I continue. .  workouts today, tomorrow, & thursday . . . repeat next week and the weeks to follow. . .

Facing Forward

4 Flights

For many years now stairs have been my enemy.  I have a special kind of hatred for the 4 flights of stairs leading to the elevated 3 train.  I can think of nothing I’d rather do less than climb up 67 steps (yes I counted) first thing in the morning.  I always start out slowly in the hopes of not being out of breath when I reach the platform but I always end up having to take a break in the middle.  Gasping for air as I look up at the last two flights I often wondered if I would ever be able to climb up those stairs without almost passing out.

I will proudly say I can now climb the 4 flights without stopping and not gasp for air when I’m done.

I guess this diet and exercise thing really works – the part of me that still wants a quarter pounder with cheese, a large fries, and coke, wishes all the doctors were wrong.

No McDonald’s in over 3 weeks – what have I become?

Facing Forward

13 Days In

13 Days in to my Do Not Eat list I have not eaten anything off of the list.  I still feel like I’m on the brink so I make a conscious effort to stay away from temptation.

Over the past two weekends I’ve spent most of my time inside where there are no unhealthy options and battled with my cravings on my own.  I’m hoping once I get through this month it will be a bit easier.  Some people say that it will but others think of it as an eternal battle.

I did walk into a bodega and not even look at the sodas.  My cravings come from my mind, body, and emotions.  In this situation, which is rare, they collectively agreed I didn’t want one.

Facing Forward


I’ve recognized the fact that oftentimes when I am short with people or incredibly inpatient I am actually just really hungry.  Hunger puts me in a bad mood all the time.

The thing I’ve never been able to deal with very well whenever I try to switch my eating habits is hunger.  No one told me that I would be so hungry.  Even with snacks and eating small meals several times a day I still get very hungry.  And now that many of my favorite things are not an option I have to go hungry for a while until I can find something  I should eat.  So now I have to deal with my hanger.  Maybe I’m naive but I didn’t realize giving up my favorite foods would require so much mental and emotional work.  It’s like being in that Snickers commercial except I can only eat fruit.

Facing Forward

Try Again

Pretty much everyone knows that I struggle with my weight.  After a few years where my weight seemed to be stable and sometimes headed downwards I have begun to gain weight again.  I know it has a lot to do with my poor eating habits and my lack of exercise so in order to head off my mid-life crisis I’m beginning to take action now.

The first thing I did was to rejoin a gym I had cancelled a few months back.  Luckily for me no one really joins the gym in the summer so I went back at a huge discount.

Secondly I had to say goodbye to some of my favorite things.  I made a list of them for when I’m weak and I think just one won’t hurt –

do not eat

Today was a rough day.  I woke up wanting a donut and instead had fruit.  I craved chocolate in the middle of the afternoon and ate these instead –


Thirdly I now have a personal trainer.  I had to make an investment in myself and I needed someone to hold me accountable.

This is not a diet.  My lifestyle has to change.

Feel free to hold me accountable as well.  I will be defensive but grateful!

Facing Forward

Bobby Kennedy Moments

Today I spoke with the founder of the Oliver Program, John Hoffman, and he told me that he has had 3 Bobby Kennedy Moments – “If not me, who, if not now, when.”

I’ve never actually had a Bobby Kennedy moment but listening to him speak his inner desires spurred my own.

I’m going to stop fighting what I know to be true – I AM A WRITER, and WRITE I MUST!