Free Write

I Don’t Know

Sometimes it’s a bit scary to think of what my life would be like if I were to become sick again.  I know what the doctors tell me – that the chances of me becoming sick again decease with each passing day of health – but with no actual certainty I still wonder what if.

The truth is I know what will happen if I become sick again.  I’ve been very sick quite often and those memories do not go away completely no matter how much time has passed.  What I do not know is how I would recover. The last time I was sick I didn’t believe I would ever recover but I was wrong.  And I wonder if my belief that I will recover from yet another break is also wrong.  All I know for sure is that I do not want to find out for sure.

As I live my life, symptom free and with a clear mind, it still makes me a bit nervous to not know for sure that the rest of my life will be healthy.  But I live each day of health with hope for the future keeping in mind that there are no guarantees.

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