When I was younger I didn’t really understand the idea of being included. I knew there were people that didn’t want to be my friend and groups of people that hung out together that did not want to hang out with me. But I had people who liked me and friends to hang out with.
As an adult, after my diagnosis, I began to lose friends and it became a lot harder to make new friends. Part of it was in my head because I didn’t think anyone wanted a friend with a mental illness and I didn’t even entertain the idea of being in a relationship. I decided I had to learn how to be alone and not included. But my mental decision did not take the pain away.
It’s funny going from someone who never used to be included to someone people want to hang out with. Sometimes I wonder if I was really all that different. I wonder why people couldn’t see past my attitude or anger and see that I am still someone worthwhile who has feelings.
Throughout my life many people have told me that I have hurt their feelings but just because I don’t tell anyone my feelings are hurt doesn’t mean that they never are.