At the time I didn’t believe the meetings were necessary. After all, it was school. All I had to do was focus on schoolwork and getting into college. Nothing else mattered to me back then. I didn’t really care if people liked me and I didn’t feel bad if I wasn’t included. I put aside my initial feelings and worked towards the day I could leave.
Recently someone asked me what my first impression of SPS was and I thought back to when I visited. I saw young people with huge backpacks moving quickly across pristine paths. I saw immaculately kept buildings with paintings of white men who I thought might be a bit upset if they knew I might be accepted. Every time someone said hello or asked me how I was doing I thought of them as a liar. Of course, they didn’t actually care how I was doing. I took the politeness as a sign of being a phony and as a student I made it a point to not be phony. I would only ask how someone was doing if I cared. I thought I was being genuine by being honest but instead I was distant.
I wish I understood the importance of those meetings back then. If I wasn’t so busy being strong I probably could have gotten a lot more out of them.