So there were several reasons why I decided to move back to NYC. My parents were the biggest reason. It’s not just that they are getting older. It was also, having attended boarding school I did not grow up around my parents. I always missed that time. I saw it as a missed opportunity once I was grown and on my own. It’s funny because when I was 14 all I wanted to do was get away from my parents and at 34 I missed them so much all I wanted to do was move back home.
I also felt I’d lost a bit of myself in the midst of illness and I need to go back home and back to St. Paul’s to figure out who I used to be when I was healthy. I had a memory of being a bad ass who thought she could get into Harvard and actually pulled it off. Where was that girl? Amidst the hospitalizations, medication, therapy, psychosis, and depression that girl was lost. I had a vague memory of her but I was nowhere near to being like her anymore.
I think I’ve begun to find her in Brownsville. This is where I began to dream.