Brownsville, Concord, Project Chic to Paulie

Come to My Book Signing Tomorrow – 8pm Shetler Studios PH1 244 W 54th St.

horae article

I just want to say thank you to SPS for supporting my work.  I didn’t know people would be so supportive when I wrote it.  I appreciate all of the wonderful comments and thanks to everyone who bought the book and to all those I will see at the book signing tomorrow Thanks so much.!  I feel the love.

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Free Write

Sometimes

I think like everyone sometimes I wonder what death really is.  Sometimes I look forward to it and sometimes I’m afraid of it.  Sometimes I think it would be good for me and sometimes I think it would be good for other people.  Sometimes I wonder if I will accomplish the things I want to accomplish before I die.  Sometimes I wonder what it truly means to live in the moment when death can occur at any moment.  Sometimes I hope I live a really long time.  Sometimes I hope I die without getting really sick again.  Sometimes I think there has to be a higher power that puts us here and takes us out.  Sometimes I think death comes at the right time.  Sometimes I hate the fact that there is such a thing as death at all.  Sometimes I think I could live forever.  Sometimes I think I can’t live through one more day.  And sometimes I just hope death means something better than life.

Brownsville, Concord, Project Chic to Paulie

Home is Relative

This week with my upcoming book signing on Thursday I want to take some time to reflect on my time growing up in Brownsville and going to SPS in Concord.

Lately I’ve had mixed feelings about both since both places have been in the news recently and not in a good way.  It’s hard to reconcile the love of a place that other people feel so much pain in.  It makes me wonder if I’m just naive and I didn’t pay close enough attention to the truth or if it’s somehow apart of the community to shelter some people from the storms.

I know that I love Brownsville as my home and no one and nothing can replace it in my heart as the beginning of everything for me.  And I know that I love SPS because it is the beginning of everything new for me and that makes it a new kind of home for me.  But I do not just want to act like I’m oblivious to the wrongs that have been committed in both places and the people who have been hurt.

My wish is that everyone in the past present and future who lived in Brownsville and/or attended SPS could have good memories that far outweigh the bad.

Whenever I look out the window of my bedroom in Van Dyke or step onto the SPS campus I have a feeling of awe that I’m ok to come back and be apart of communities where I used to think I didn’t belong.

Someone once told me that when you go back to a city that you used to live in it can feel completely different.  I find this to be very true.

Free Write

Patience

Someone once asked me – What’s harder for you – waiting for something to start or waiting for something to end?

For me – definitely – waiting for something to start.  Once it’s begun I can get through pretty much anything.

But when it comes to beginnings people always tell me I don’t have any patience.

“Good things come to those who wait!”

But I often think – What if I run out of time?

That to me is one of the worst things about life – We have no idea when it ends.

Facing Forward

Try Again

Pretty much everyone knows that I struggle with my weight.  After a few years where my weight seemed to be stable and sometimes headed downwards I have begun to gain weight again.  I know it has a lot to do with my poor eating habits and my lack of exercise so in order to head off my mid-life crisis I’m beginning to take action now.

The first thing I did was to rejoin a gym I had cancelled a few months back.  Luckily for me no one really joins the gym in the summer so I went back at a huge discount.

Secondly I had to say goodbye to some of my favorite things.  I made a list of them for when I’m weak and I think just one won’t hurt –

do not eat

Today was a rough day.  I woke up wanting a donut and instead had fruit.  I craved chocolate in the middle of the afternoon and ate these instead –

 

Thirdly I now have a personal trainer.  I had to make an investment in myself and I needed someone to hold me accountable.

This is not a diet.  My lifestyle has to change.

Feel free to hold me accountable as well.  I will be defensive but grateful!