When I lived in Boston I had a few go-to people. When I moved back to NY I wondered what would happen to me without them. I knew I had my parents here but I knew I would need more than them in order to really make it.
One of the scariest thoughts I have as a person with bipolar disorder is that people will not want to have anything to do with me. They will think it’s too much work to have a sick friend and they will choose not to. And then once I establish the relationship I fear I will get sick and lose everything. It has happened before.
But I’m happy to say that in NYC I have found support I could have never imagined from the most unexpected people.
Don’t turn down support. The person you just met may have the support you really need.
I used to think that if I didn’t give someone a reason to be mean to me then they would treat me well or just be indifferent. I had to get older to understand that people are mean to others mainly because they feel like they can get away with it. So if someone hurts you or treats you inappropriately you have to stand up for yourself and make sure that they know you will not let them get away with it. This is what has helped me forgive people. It’s easier to forgive someone if you make them acknowledge that they did something wrong.
I worked really hard to get something I thought I really wanted and once I got it I just thought is this really it? And so I make the most of it and try to look at the bright side and remain positive but each day I cringe a bit on the inside as I think is this all there is? I have a choice of just accepting things as they are or starting anew. I’ve never been good at settling.
I worked and went to school.
I work and I write.
The truth is I used to love having two very different things to do. When I was doing one I could forget about the other. I used to think it helped me feel and think better.
It is a lot managing two major competing priorities but as they say – “You do what you have to until you can do what you want to.”